so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
