so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
