Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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