I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
