you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
