First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
