Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize