Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
