Your face is a jimmy john
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
