I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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