Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
