How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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