My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
