i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
