She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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