Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
