can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
