I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
