I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
