Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
