She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
