Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
