if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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