it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Come on in and take your pants off
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