I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Randomize
