guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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