i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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