I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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