I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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