I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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