there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
