Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
