Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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