I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
