A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
