i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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