your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
