I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
