btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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