youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
