coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She swung at the pinata with crutches
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
