I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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