god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Damn victory sex feels great
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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