i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize