i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
