yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I supernannyed him into submission
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
