What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
