I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
