But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
