Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
