Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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