I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
