Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I can't turn off my feet"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
