if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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