So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
