You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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