dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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