Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
