i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
