Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
