In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my liver is dry heaving
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize