So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
