Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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