I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
