Where did you get a picture of my penis
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
