5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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